THE ZBORNAK FILES

because sometimes dorothy was dead

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

I Live The American Dream



This is my favourite publicity still from a reality TV show ever! It captures the drama, the pain, the self-involvement, the cameras, the exploitation - everything! The picture is from Boy Meets Boy, the gay reality dating show, and the subject is Andrea (I think - it made me think of Miss Zuckerman from 90210 anyway) who has just found out that some of the gay boys she's been helping her best friend choose to date aren’t quite as gay as initially thought (i.e. not gay at all).

I watched the last few episodes of the show with my GGB's (Gareth's Gay Babies - the group of teenagers I work the youth with) at the weekend in order to spark off a discussion about representation of queerness in pop culture. Of course that discussion didn't last too long because what teenager wants to discuss such things on the weekend after a week of revision/exams/play rehearsal? They quickly got to the meat of the show and discussed who they most fancied and how obvious it was who the straight one was. It was quite hard getting a group of randy teenagers to get back to topic at hand, but somehow I managed. I think the threat of making them watch old episodes of Dynasty made them do it, honestly, it's so appalling how anti-Dynasty the GGB's are. It's like they're a different generation from me or something. Don't they know I'm down with the kids? I own two Avril Lavigne albums! They must follow me!

In reality (but not reality TV), I only hold out hope for one of them to follow in my soapy footsteps. Last week the boy in question mentioned EastEnders in relation to something and then quickly added, "but EastEnders is shit! Mile High is the best thing on television!" Mile High being the uber-low budget but extra-high tack highlight of Sky's Sunday 10PM slot. Bless his little cotton socks.

Actually that reminds me! Look at this:
The top ten worst US imports in full according to Broadcast:
1 - Baywatch
2 - Anna Nicole Show
3 - Dukes of Hazzard
4 - Wild Palms
5 - Manimal
6 - The Jerry Springer Show
7 - Knots Landing
8 - Falcon Crest
9 - The Bold and the Beautiful
10 - Extreme Makeover
How insulting! I can handle number 1 and maybe number 10, but the rest are classics! Falcon Crest practically taught me my values! The Bold and the Beautiful has one of the best theme tunes/opening credits sequence ever. Knots Landing was, well I don't think I watched it, but I know it was good - I've seen TV Movies with some of the cast in! Jerry Springer is just on that list because the show isn't as good as the opera version, but that doesn't make it bad! We don't knock Romeo & Juliet for being the source material for West Side Story do we? Manimal, I only know a little bit about, but that title? Manimal - a man who turns into an animal! How awesome! Shouldn't be on there! Wild Palms was good in my head, but I only really remember stuff about holograms - holograms are cool though, so therefore the show was cool and shouldn't be on the list. Dukes of Hazzard I'm not even going to attempt to justify as it's too obvious, and as for Anna-Nicole? Well, if you ain't a friend of her show, you ain't no friend of this blo'(g).

I was going to do my own top 10 US imports, but it's too hard, so instead here's a top 5 list of shows we (me & Bea & thee) want /slash/ need importing!
  • 1. Amish in the City - Amish people livin' la vida loca in LA? How could this not have been on E4?

  • 2. Days of Our Lives - I just don't get how racist this country is about American daytime soap operas. Days should be a national institution! My favourite plots from the limited amount of time we did have DOOL in our lives are 1) Marlene being possessed by Satan 2) The Princess Gina is actually Hope although maybe not but let's morph her in mirrors anyway thing and 3) anything with Austin Peck in.

  • 3. Passions - another US soap, but one that's never been on over here. I got caught up in their wooden puppet boy comes to life plotline whilst on holiday in St. Lucia.

  • 4. The Oprah Winfrey Show - two years and no Oprah makes G a sad boy.

  • 5. Desperate Housewives - I'm fairly sure this will come over eventually, but I want it NOW! Assuming it does I would replace it with Bold & The Beautiful, I wouldn’t ever watch it, but I would tune into the start- it really is an awesome opening sequence*.
*At least the 90’s version is, the new one is merely adequate

3 Comments:

  • At 11:38 pm, Blogger Lubin said…

    Desperate Housewives is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. As for Boy Meets Boy - I'm afraid that my gaydar must be faulty as I didn't guess a couple of them - particularly the sterotyped camp flity blonde one. Andra, the vicarious faghag was the best and worst thing about the show anyway.

     
  • At 4:25 pm, Blogger creepylesbo said…

    I'm sure you already have this, but just in case....
    http://www.fantasyboys.de/images/jasonp.jpg

     
  • At 9:50 pm, Blogger ZFW said…

    Creepy Lesbo - I have the film but not the screencaps! Thank you from the bottom of my Priestly lovin' heart.

    Lubin - I wasn't sure about the blonde flirty one either, I was also holding out hope that Franklin was gay but as the voting out system made it quite obvious how they were keeping the straights in, I knew better. Of course the GGB's all loved to go on about how they knew exactly who was what, but I'm 90% sure one of them had watched it already so the others were just trying to keep up.

     

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