THE ZBORNAK FILES

because sometimes dorothy was dead

Friday, December 03, 2004

I've Seen So Much More Than U Know Now

Firstly, OHMIGOD - the best song ever! (via holymoly)

With that out of the way, let's devour the main course... I went to a World AIDS Day benefit on Wednesday and it was abysmal in a good but probably actually bad kind of way. Let me tell you my tale...

Part of the entertainment was some local kids gearing up for next year's Pop Idol audition and while most, but not all, of them were quite good, they really, really, really should have checked the lyrical content of their songs. The first lady to step up to the mic sang a rendition of Britney's I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Women. Of course I smiled upon hearing that wonderful introduction (before remembering that last summer my best friend went to the Grand Canyon and did a re-enactment of the video and getting very jealous) and as I listened I thought, wow this is amazing - turning a total classic pop ballad into a dramatic tale of a girl dealing with HIV...
I'm not a girl
There is no need to protect me
Its time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own
I've seen so much more than u know now
So tell me to shut my eyes
You can see how I thought that.

However, then the girl, Miss JewelButScally, starting doing another song (of which I'd never heard) that contained the lyrics "what you're giving me, I'm takin' and gettin' and lovin' and givin' baaaaaaaack to you (back to you, back to you)" set to a mid-tempo positive love groove, and I realised she was only there to experience an audience. I mean, what the funk? How could you sing that at an AIDS benefit? Thankfully I wasn't the only one that laughed out loud and then felt guilty. Other highlights were Don't Worry Be Happy on the saxamaphone, All I Wanna Do (Is Have Some Fun) sung by the most pissed off looking girl EVER and a scary musical experiment involving kitchenware that I'm trying my best to forget. To be fair, one act was amazingly good - I cried like a person who gets a tiny bit of water in their eye at the uplifting, positive hip-hop vibe they created with style, panache and a fabulous hat.

I met an awesome girl there who offered to become Cagney to my Lacey should my C&L: The Musical idea ever take off. We bonded over our hatred of JewelButScally and cemented our brief love affair when we both got off over some hard little middle-class white kids who rapped to their niggas (and parents) badly - totally unaware that New Kids, East 17 and Vanilla Ice had ever existed.

After a fantastic "urm, all you middle-class do-gooders* really need to do more than spend one night eating free finger foods and feeling good that you care enough to attend and recognise that 4% of the boy gays, a scarily high (but thankfully in the minority) percentage of the sub-Saharan Africans and millions of others are facing this MASSIVE problem every day of their lives so fucking give us your money you cunts!" speech, it was time for some light refreshments and a one-armed dwarf break-dancer. He was awesome, until he fell over.

So, in summery, I went to an AIDS benefit and spent the whole time laughing cruelly at children and people with disabilities.

Don't

Don't you want me?

* I am 75% middle-class do-gooder, 10% human rights campaigner, 7% gay rights activist, 5% Anna-Nicole Smith wannabe and 3% hot white cum, this means I can criticise and commend everyone at the event without being hypocritical, but at the same time being very hypocritical. It's a beautiful feeling.

2 Comments:

  • At 4:39 pm, Blogger Sydney AKA Candeee said…

    First off, yeah! That song rules!!!

    Secondly, I need to see this video of your best friend at the Grand Canyon. Sound fabu!

    And third, I'm glad you had shits and giggles at an AIDS Benefit. Good for you, Ms. Lacey. How can I back your musical aspirations?

     
  • At 7:12 pm, Blogger no milk said…

    just because you went to a benefit doesn't mean that you have to be a completely different person. we love just the way you are: zany, funny and slightly eeeevil.

     

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